Relationship.

I saw a video on my FB newsfeed today, posted by a friend of mine. It was about a teenage boy, proclaiming his love for his girlfriend, and also telling the girl to remain faithful to him and only him. It was done in the form of a song, and I have to tell you this..

It's damn funny.

Funny in the sense that it's unbelievable. I understand that declaring your love for your significant other to the public is impressive. It's romantic (sometimes) and it's sweet. Like Taj Mahal who was built as a symbol of love between a man and a woman (I forgot what's his and hers name).

But is it necessary? For the world to know what was supposed to be just between you and your partner?

In the video, the guy was singing "When you talk to other guys, I'm jealous!" I was like... Seriously? Do you need to let the world know how possessive you are and how jealous you can be?

Sure, I wrote about my Botak and what he's done for me once or twice in this blog. But then again, I didn't go "Oh my Botak, our love is so deep, I can't wait to have your babies and grow old with you! Don't go talking to other ladies as I'm the only one for you!!!!" That is none of the world's business of what I want to do with him and what I don't want him to do. If there's anything that I don't want him to do, I rather just say it directly to him. Why go the long way, when there's a clear path in front of you?

But anyway, he is just a teenage boy (roughly 15-16 years old), and I guess everyone has their own way to proclaim their love. I'm not judging him or anything, it's just that I find his way of declaring his love a bit ridiculous and and if I indeed do a video of me singing of how our love is sweet and amazing, it'll be just for him and for me.

Anyway, till then.

Aunt.

My aunt Jah just drew her last breath yesterday, on the 15th of September 2013, at 3.40pm.

In just mere seconds, my world crumbled into pieces.

It began when my sister said hi to me on Skype. So I gave her a call, since it's been weeks since I last skyped with her.

"Hey, what's up?
"Hey, where have you been? I've been trying to reached you! But all our calls went into your voicemail."
"Oh yeah, I changed my number again. Sorry. Hey, isn't that Nini and Haikal?" (my cousins)
"Oh yeah, they're all here at the hospital"

I was curious. Why is my sister with my cousins?

Wait, does it have something to do with what I saw on my cousin's FB post earlier on?

"My Aunt is on her deathbed now. Please pray for her." - Cousin Fifi

"Hey, where are you? Why are you with them?"

"That's what I'm about to tell you. Aunt Jah fell down last Friday and was getting weaker. At the same time, Grandma also fell down. Since mom can't possibly take care of two people at the same time, she sent Aunt Jah to Uncle Su. Early this morning, mom got a call that Aunt Jah is dying and is being sent to the hospital, so we rushed here."

Silence. I was shocked. 

"WHAT???? Where is mom now??"

"She's upstairs with her, and everyone else"

I said my goodbyes to my sister, promising her that I'll call her back soon, and immediately called mom. And as soon as she picked up the phone, this is what she told me.

"Your Aunt Jah just passed away."

I was horrified. Immediately my tears dropped down along my cheeks. But I held it in. I asked mom if she's okay, and I told her to be strong before I hung up. Then, I just burst into tears. I cried for a good 5 minutes, before calling my sister back.

I guess she got the news. It's a surprise. She was calm, and consoled me who was bawling like a kid. And here I thought I'll be the strong one if there's death in our family. Guess I'm still just a crybaby.

So she made me promise to stop crying and pray for my Aunt, and after hanging up, I immediately called Botak, and cried again to him. He was out with his cousin, and he rushed back home to make sure I'm alright. 

That night I just cried and cried and cried till my eyes hurt. I wanted to go home. I hated the distance between me and home now. I wanted to make sure everyone's alright. I was scared everyone will leave me. I was scared that I'll be alone. I know I'm overthinking it, but I can't help feeling worried and scared that I'll lose everything.

I finally calmed down, but my sleep was restless. And the next morning, I was still in tears whenever I thought of what has happened. How I wish I can be with my family now. I thought of how devastated mom would be, yet she's fine. She was calmer than me even though she saw her own sister dying in front of her. How strong she is. I would have just crumbled away if my own sister died.

To Aunt Jah, I love you. I may have not be your perfect niece, and you may not be my perfect aunt, but I still love you no matter what. But I know that you have gone to the Lord Al-Mighty, back to your creator. May you rest in peace. 

Al-Fatihah. 

Snow.

Happy spring time!

Yes, it's spring over here. To all the people on the earth's northern hemisphere, prepare yourself for another weird winter. Since I haven't written anything for quite some time, let me make amends to that. Over the weekend, I did a road trip with some of my friends and we went all over the country, just sightseeing and all. It was fun. Even though it left me financially broke after the trip, it's worth every single cent.

I visited the hot spring, did a sulphur spa, had a mud bath, went on a speed boat, seen the snow, played with the sled and best of all, I got to drive!!! It's very exciting for me as if I'm with my family, it's hard for me to do so. To those who know me and who know of my other blog will know what I'm talking about. But since nobody read this blog, it doesn't matter because I know what I'm talking about. Teehee.

I'm pretty happy at the moment. I have my cat that I kidnapped from my neighbor (again) sleeping next to me, I'm at home, safely tucked under my duvet, I'm feeling rather fresh and is just waiting for my boyfriend to come home from work. And the best part is, I know that he too is eager to come home to me. I love him so much, I kept on thinking what would it be like when we get married. He's more mature than me, so I'm pretty sure he'll be like the serious one and I'll be like the childish one in the relationship. But maybe we'll be different and it'll be the other way round. Who knows? At the moment, my current fantasy about me and him is of getting pregnant with his child. I think I'm having that sort of fantasy because I see one of my high school friend who just got married a few months back is now bearing a child, and it's so exciting. Imagine, you're carrying another human being in your belly. Amazing isn't it?

As I said before, I can't wait to get married, have a child, be a grown up. And I can't wait to do all this with him :). Referring to my boyfriend as him seems cold isn't it? Well his name is Botak. Boats the dangerous. Ekekeke. He loves being the hero that seems to be anti-hero. Kinda like batman, except without the mask. Deep down, he's a sweetheart. He's my sweetheart. Teehee~

Anyway, till then.