Right now, I finished my practicum and just laying around bumming. I did house chores, stay at home, went to make up class, really, nothing fancy.
Oh, and I lost my phone.
Yes.
AGAIN.
Getting sick of losing my stuff. I wonder when will be the time I will finally lose my marbles. I think I'm slowly making progress towards that. Right now I am using my sister's phone and I got to tell you this; it's crappy. I miss my phone. Where you can like.. Look up 9gag.. and send selfies to your boyfriend.. and listen to that annoying alarm sound at 7.15am every morning.. most of all.. I miss my games. The fact that I have collected so many game money and to lose it just like that annoys me to no end. Now when I play it on android, I lost everything and had to start back from scratch.
ANNOYING.
I have been staying at home a lot. It tires me when I go out. Yeah, yeah.. I sound like an old fart. Shut up. But it's nice. You got to stay in your stinky 2-days-old-pajama and it wouldn't matter if you don't shower. You don't sweat if you don't move.
However, my weight has been drastically increasing and I have come to hate the weighing scale. I come to hate eating, and I hate myself for feeling guilty to eat yet still stuffing my mouth.
I don't really eat that much, I just don't eat that healthy. I don't eat veggies and fruits as much as I used to, and I don't exercise much anymore. Just because I'll be like... Maybe tomorrow.
So tonight, after criticising my body, I decided it's now or never. So I went to the gym. I puked in mouth a bit while doing the climber but hey, I actually exercised. Puke for all I care about.
I'm heading off for graduation next weekend. Maybe also meet Botak before I go. I am scared. I just feel like this is it. This will be the moment I will have to be.. like.. normal. Like give up all my quirkiness to fit in. But I don't really like the crowd that I have to fit in. Being in a society that values collectiveness when I am a person who bask in individualistic society sucks. I want people to let me be what I want to be and do what I want to do. Not be like "Oh, you need to wait for your sister for dinner. She'll be back in 3 hours" or "You have to go to the gym with your father, it's dangerous to go alone". The gym is just down the building, for god sake. I am a freaking 24 year old and sometimes I also like to go out window shopping by myself just for the fun of it.
I have more freedom I guess than I used to. I mean, it's easier for me to say "I'm meeting a friend next weekend" and not get shot down. So I guess that's an improvement. Although my boyfriend still thinks I'm a coward for not standing up for my rights as an individual and an adult. That's easy for him to say, he doesn't have a mom who will use god's word and what not to guilt trip you. Sigh.
I guess this should be enough ranting to cover up for the whole month.
Till then,
No comments:
Post a Comment